My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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