you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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