I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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