So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
