i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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