just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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