and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
