Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
