How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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