THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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