he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
