Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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