My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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