his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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