I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
