is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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