We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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