i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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