your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He told me they were just razor bumps!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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