So drunk its hurt
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
