there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
