he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
