I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She bit a glass in half.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
