Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
