He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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