1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
