Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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