i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
