Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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