Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When are your genitals available?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
