I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
