i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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