just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
