I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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