Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
