the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
