the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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