I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
