Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
