I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
