I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
