Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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