the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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