The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
