Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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