don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
