I must be too annoying 4 u.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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