I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
