I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
