Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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