I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
