i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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