please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
