Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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