I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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