Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
