puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
