guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
