a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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