I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
