my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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