I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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