dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
