I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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