It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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