I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
