No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
