Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
