it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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