I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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