he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
