I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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