i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
