She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
