i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
