she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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