Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
