It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
